Pre Trading

I will be sitting down to trade at 10.15am today and since I have a few minutes, I thought I’d make an entry before trading today to see if it will make any difference to my mindset and in turn help me trade well today. I’m not sure what planet I am on at the moment but whatever planet it is, it is making me feel pretty shit at the moment. I can’t seem to shake off this feeling and it is beginning to frustrate me to no end.

So how do I make changes to combat this lull that I am in? I’m not waking up early anymore, maybe that should be my starting point – concentrate on waking up early and getting started with my day – step one in a series of steps. This is all very embarrassing for me let alone the embarrassment of telling the world about this place that I am in. It’s clear that I am all over the place by simply just reading my post so far today. This is all very tough, especially when I know that in the past I have been at such highs and wondered back then how I could ever be in such a low place as I am in now and have been in the past. It’s like I am revisiting my childhood when on reflection now, I was clearly very depressed and no one was available to spot this in me and help me make changes back then – and I have been in that place on numerous occasions over the years. It’s actually sickening me to think like this – as I have said before, there are people out there far less capable than I am who are doing very well so why am I making it so tough for myself?

I keep thinking that something will change and all will be ok, actually I haven’t thought like that for a while, but I used to. I also know the infamous saying – I am the only one who can make a difference to my life – I’m quite sure that I have fooled myself into a false sense of security, thinking that I want to do something for myself is what I want to do and as long as I focus on that it will happen – but what has actually taken place is that I have had that notion in mind but not taken any real action to achieve it. And now that my back is against the wall and financial turmoil is around the corner, I am panicking and retreating into a hole to hide.

I better change soon – or I am just going to implode in that hole that I am in!