I am seriously beating myself up now for fucking up, but doing nothing to stop fucking up! The pre trading blog entry? Getting my thoughts and frustrations out before trading? Did fuck all to help. I started as planned for 10.13am and finished at 10.30am for +4 pips off two buys trades.
And low and behold – they were both shit trades. Trade one, last 42 seconds and went negative by 1 pip before going positive for +1 pip, which is when I GTFO. But by the time the system physically exited the trade, it had reversed to break even. By the duration of the trade and the fact that it went negative at one point, once again means that I am simply not using GOWID as I should.
Trade two was worse than the first. Though it produced +4 pips, the trade lasted nearly 3 minutes and went negative by as much as -7 or -8 pips at one point – I could jump out of a window! I’m losing my fucking mind!
I cannot do this, I am fed up, everything I want to say to myself, I have said before – on numerous occasions. I just don’t know anymore, I just don’t know. They say putting down your thoughts on paper helps, it’s not helping me. I vent and vent and vent, but nothing is improving. I am losing hope and sinking into oblivion. Enough of the dramatics? This is not drama, I’m really fucking stuck.
Taking time off from trading hasn’t help. Reminding myself of the rules hasn’t helped. Kicking myself up the arse hasn’t helped. Talking positively about the fucking world hasn’t helped. What more can I do to get out of this fucking hole?
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