I started at 11.10am and finished at 12.00pm for +1 pip in total off 3 trades, two buy trades and one sell trade. Pure, pure luck and I’m getting in plenty of practice in what not to do!
All three of these trades were examples of what not to do. The first trade lasted 4 minutes, the second 13 minutes and the third 7 minutes. I didn’t GOWID when I should have on any of them. All of them went badly negative, before breaking even or going positive.
The last trade was the most ridiculous – I had just finished the second trade feeling very relieved for it finished 1 pip up and I said to myself, ok, there’s no need to repeat that trade, stay cool and just wait for a good trade. I lasted 4 minutes of watching and went in on a sell trade because, wait for it, I felt that the Cable had peaked with its upward move and is now about to reverse. Let me just re-read that, I felt...........what the fuck has my feelings got to do with anything when deciding on the entry point of a trade? Anyway, after getting in on this perfect sell trade, what does the Cable do, it pushes upwards 10 pips, before, 7 minutes later, deciding to reverse, come back down to my entry point and letting me get out for 0 pips!
I am fucking crazy, that’s what it is, I was stressed out yesterday, worried about what I’m going to do about my finances, I’m still stressed today, but feel better than yesterday and because I finished today’s trading session positive (in pips at least), I’m taking some consolation in it – when I bloody well shouldn’t be!
Why can’t I just follow the rules? For every day I keep breaking rules, I am prolonging my training period and getting further and further away from achieving my financial goals. As you can see from my blog to date, I have tried everything – from giving myself a really hard time to telling myself it wasn’t the end of the world (after fucking up) – I have patted myself on the back during those brief moments of clarity (when everything has gone well and correctly), but nothing seems to be working for me right now. Snap out of it I keep saying, but I’m not snapping out of it. I am finding it tough to get out of bed in the morning these days as well – classic signs of me dipping into depression – something that I have fought hard to stay away from over the years.
I would love to be able to tell myself and my friends that I am now trading for a living and successfully bringing in a decent income from it to cover bills, my lifestyle and everything else that has a cost to it – but I’m miles away from doing this. I really don’t want this to be something that I tried and gave up on. I keep hearing of people who have become successful in their own businesses or employed roles, purely due to them wanting it bad enough, well I want to trade really, really badly and be good at it. I’m an intelligent enough guy, I know you probably saying, no you’re not, you are a thick fuck, based on my blog, but seriously, I know I am intelligent enough to do this. I know I’m not very patient, which is probably the biggest reason behind my failure at the moment, but that can be overcome right? I have to overcome it, along with any other issue that needs to be overcome.
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